The Time When I Went Through A Divorce

DI

 

I can remember just feeling confused, upset, and hopeless. There really wasn’t anything I could do. I know heard the phrase, “it’s for the best” thrown around, but I didn’t really feel that way.

Fussing and fighting were things I was willing to tolerate as long as the relationship didn’t separate. I remember thinking, that’s all you’re mad about? Surely that’s something that can be worked through. Aren’t people supposed to stay married until their spouse dies? Don’t the vows say “for better or worse”, but somehow now that the worse is here you’ve changed your mind. Maybe the worse you had in mind was a little bad breath in the morning. Or bad hair days and aging.

To this day I still think so, but I could tell at that moment that minds were made up.

Our family would no longer be the same.

I wouldn’t get to see all my family under one roof every day.

And I went through all this when I was about 11 years old. No, I was not part of some cult that allowed boys to get married that young. I went through a divorce when my parent made the decision to separate.

I guess my parents just had enough. The decision was final, my brother and I went with my dad and my sister stayed with my mom. I don’t know if the thought ever crossed my dad’s mind that, “he was the only one getting divorced”, but it sure wasn’t the case from my point of view. Speaking on behalf of children of divorced parents, somehow parents seem to forget that their children will go through the divorce with them. I know it can be hard for them to see this through all the anger, but children will be impacted just as much as you.

Divorce-or-not-to-Divorce

Maybe you’re debating about whether to divorce or not. Let me give a scripture that tells us how God feels about it,

Malachi 2:16  “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

God loves marriage and hates divorce because of what it does. The verse says it does violence. Divorce leaves the family exposed to so many things now; single parent care, less income sometimes, the feeling of lack of stability, an over burdened parent, and etc. God hates divorce not because he wants to you be unhappy, but because the answer isn’t in divorce, it’s in him. People take take matters in to their own hands and choose to selfishly blow up what’s been so familiar to everyone involved.

A side-note: for those who have been divorced – I know sometimes you had no choice and this is not meant to be a judgment call towards you. Also, this is not me saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship. I would encourage to do everything possible to keep the marriage in tact, but never do this at the risk of someone getting hurt.

For those who are thinking about divorced because of compatibility, differences in opinion, or because they are not making you happy anymore, think about your kids. If you say you want what’s best for them, then don’t put them through a divorce. Instead, begin to work on your marriage and what you can do to make it better. Get help if you need.

Final thought, if God hates divorce I believe this is another way of him saying that he will help restore your marriage if you put in his hands. So take your marriage out of your hands and put into God’s.

Some resources: Statistics on Children of Divorce in America, Effects of Divorce on ChildrenDivorce: Is it the Answer?Single Mother Statistics